Florida Project: The Dunkin Donuts Flu

There is a pattern developing here in Florida. It seems sunny in the morning, cloudy in the afternoon, and rains on and off from late afternoon through evening. I hope this is just left over from the Tropical Storm and not how life normally is in Florida!

 

Yesterday, I came out of my office for lunch and found the kids in the pool. A loud crack of thunder echoed through the neighborhood and in one effort, my youngest leaped out of the pool and onto the patio. He knows he shouldn’t be in a pool during an electrical storm and is terrified of it. However, he left all his toys in the pool. So Linda shoved him back into the pool to retrieve the toys. Hay, threat of death from lightening or not, Gilberts don’t leave toys in a pool.

 

It appears we are going through a heat wave right now. Temperatures in New York hit 101 degrees yesterday! Here in Florida, which in known for its oppressive heat? It has been miserable. On Tuesday we hit 75 degrees. Yesterday 78 degrees. They are talking that we might break 80 degrees today. We went into a restaurant yesterday and had to put our jackets on. I don’t really understand how people can stand to live in Florida when it is so miserably hot out. Before you think the temperature differences between New York and Florida are an oddity? We experienced the exact same thing in July of 2011. Temperatures hit 100 degrees in Western New York while we were in the 80’s in Florida in 2011. It does get warm in Florida, but I think the heat complaints are overblown.

 

Yesterday after work, we decided to visit the communities around Alta Monte Springs to see whether this would be an area for consideration to move to when we retire. We toured two dozen neighborhoods in the surrounding areas, similar to what we did in Winter Gardens last week.

 

What we saw in our tour was that Alta Monte Springs has a lot of apartments. They also have low income houses mixed in with average income houses. We would go into a neighborhood and see seven nice houses in a row, and the eighth would have tall grass, junk in the driveway, and trash piled on the porch. Getting to some of the nice neighborhoods required driving through slums and poor neighborhoods. This mix of poor neighborhoods and nice neighborhoods can only lead to crime. In fact, we saw block after block of neighborhood watch signs, but we never saw a single police car patrolling.

 

There was one nice neighborhood around a lake. But to getting to it required driving through blocks of low value housing. We left the lake community a different way and in a different direction in search of the next house we wanted to see. The next house was only a quarter of a mile away. As we approached the street that had the house, we noticed there were several people standing on the corners and in the front yards of the intersection.

 

A little more than ten years ago, we visited Vegas and saw a drug operation on the Vegas strip. The drug operation had incredible efficiency. There was a front line of people who would approach a car when it pulled up and take their order. They turned to a second line of people who had a minimal amount of drugs on their possession. The second line would hand the drugs to the front line, and the front line exchanged it for cash. The cash would then go to a third line of people. A fourth line of people were the runners. They continually ran bags of cash from the third line, to some location a block away. The fourth line would return with bags of drugs to replenish the second line. A fifth line watched over everything and provided the security. This operation was held under the careful eye of the police, who stood on both ends of the line. The police observed the activity to make sure it stayed peaceful, yet were ready to crack some skulls if things go out of hand. If the police had chased the drug activity off the strip? The drug activity would have moved to another part of town away from the police’s careful eye, and the police would have a mess. Instead, under this situation, the inevitable activity could occur and maintain civil order.

 

I remember being fascinated as I watched this drug operation from across the Vegas Strip. But in Alta Monte Springs, as I approached that intersection, I wasn’t fascinated in the least. This operation was obviously not as efficient as Vegas. There were people on the corner handling the drugs and the cash. There was someone in the front yard handling security. And in the back yard of one of the houses it appeared to be where the large drug distribution was happening.

 

As I approached the intersection, Linda said “Kevin, what are you doing?” and I said “We need to turn down this street to see the house”. Linda said “No, just keep going. Don’t turn!” And I said “Don’t worry about it, these are just business men.” Naive or stupid, and perhaps a little of both, I turned at the intersection being careful not to give anyone “the eye”. Two houses further down was a second drug house. It was impossible to tell whether the second drug house was affiliated with the first, but obviously they had a booming business from the area’s affluent subdivisions.

 

We snuck past the second drug house and found the house we were looking for. It was a large beautiful inexpensive home sitting beside two houses that appeared ready to cave in. My assessment was this house must have burnt down or was somehow destroyed and was rebuilt in the neighborhood. Or perhaps this was the drug king pin’s house, for both drug operations could be observed from a large second floor window. In either case, we were obviously uninterested. Unfortunately, the house was at a dead-end. Our only way out was to return, passing by both drug operations. I turned the van around at the end of the road. The spectacle of a big New York red van attempting to “K” turn on the narrow dead-end became an attraction to everyone on the street. That really wasn’t what I wanted. We rolled down the street slowly, careful not to look anyone in the eye, and as soon as I was clear of the drug corner I hit the gas and flew back into a nicer neighborhood.

 

Needless to say, that ended our tour of the Alta Monte Springs area. We were completely unimpressed and had an hour’s drive down I4 to get back to our house. I decided I had better get some coffee for the long drive, so, we pulled into the Alta Monte Springs Dunkin Donuts. We were waited on by a lady in her early twenties with a really gross looking nose ring, and her entire face looked oddly swelled. Nevertheless, I ordered my coffee, half a dozen donuts, and some munchkins. After ordering, I used the restroom and then we all loaded into the van. As I pulled out of Dunkin Donuts, Linda said “We are not eating these donuts.” I said “I know what you mean, I need to drop a few pounds.” And she said “Well, yes, but, that isn’t what I mean. The lady who waited on us was sick. While you were in the bathroom, she was coughing and hacking all over the donuts on the rack and she blew her nose over the donuts and she never washed her hands. If we eat these we are all going to get sick!”

 

This news presents a serious problem for me. I had just spent $10 on donuts and coffee. We were on the ramp to I4. I couldn’t turn back. And if I could, what would I say? I want my money back because you have been coughing all over the donuts? We spent most of the trip home deciding whether or not we were going to eat the donuts. I was determined there was no way I was throwing $10 into the garbage. Linda, who was grossed out and using hand sanitizer just from touching the boxes, said there was no way she was catching the Dunkin Donuts Flu. To conclude the argument, I ate one of the donuts. I’m sure I won’t get the Dunkin Donuts Flu. I hope I don’t. This morning I woke up sneezing and with a scratchy throat. But I’m sure it isn’t the Dunkin Donuts Flu.

 

The decision about the donuts was now settled. I would eat all the donuts and the rest of the family would see if I got sick. Who ever won? Got the bragging rights.

 

We sailed down I4 heading through Orlando. Traffic was reasonable and we were able to do 65MPH. It was then I felt something crawling on my leg. We have already discussed our battle with roaches at the house. And we have discussed the revenge of the green beetles at Disney World. Bugs are a continual and regular presence in Florida. It is a fact of life. It is just something you have to deal with. But when I glanced down and saw this giant spider crawling on my leg, it was unnerving! I start swatting at it and stomping my feet trying to kill it and in the meanwhile I completely forgot that I was flying down the road at 65MPH. I’m brought back to my senses only by the honking horns of the cars that are dodging me.

 

“What is it?” Linda is screaming as I pull the van to the side of the road. I answer “A giant spider”. Now Linda is screaming.  The kids don’t know what is going on, so, they start screaming. Everyone is screaming as I get the van stopped. Linda grabbed the flashlight out of the glove box and we start searching the van for this spider. He has to be somewhere. And we can’t risk getting back on I4 and have the spider attack again. We searched under the dashboard, under all the seats, in the back. We can’t find it! Then I think to check the bottom of my shoe. I was stamping my feet – maybe I got it? Sure enough, there was the spider smeared on the bottom of my sneaker. With the spider crisis over, I ate one more donut and we pulled back onto I4.

 

I’ve written previously about how most houses in Florida have sprinklers to keep their lawn and bushes watered. And I wrote about how our house has a water cannon that is used to water the palm tree and the front yard. The sprinklers work according to some schedule that we have yet to figure out.

 

When we finally made it to the house, I pulled into the driveway and parked the van far to one side to avoid hitting the trash cans that sit in front of the garage door. Through timing that could not be practiced nor rehearsed, and could only have been planned by God himself, the water cannon flipped on about the time Linda opened her van door. The side window deflected most of the water, but enough of the water drenched her and the inside of the van.

 

I take all this as an omen. An omen that tells us Alta Monte Springs is not a place for us.  I am glad we took an hour to drive there and an hour back so we could see the area for ourselves. In the meanwhile... I am sneezing, scratchy throat, running nose... could I be coming down with the Dunkin Donuts Flu?